Monday, January 1, 2018

January 2018

It's been exactly two years since I last had a new post, and a lot has happened in my life. If you recall from my previous posts, I had to shut everything down to care for my gravely ill husband. Five months after my last post (January 2016), Andy passed away, leaving me and our five kids and six grandchildren heartbroken and devastated. I feel like I've been "lost" for all this time, and I'm still struggling to figure out who I am without him.

Andy truly was/is the love of my life - I couldn't have asked for a more loving, funny, caring, man to walk with me through life. We met in 1973, when I was 21 and he was 29. We started here, in Carmel, California

and ended here, at his "After Party" 

Not all of the kids and grandkids are in this photo, but they were all there. Andy's brothers and their wives (and some of their kids) made it out from California for the service, and it was a bittersweet reunion. I have that large wood sign in my studio. It quotes one of Andy's favorite songs, and I can remember it with reassurance every time I see it - even if some days I'm not totally convinced.

I know some of you won't want to read this...but I'm still not ready to commit to the monthly desktop calendars. Yet. I'm sorry. So much change, so many demands on me and my time, responsibilities, and a need for simplification and prioritizing, leaves me trying to come to terms with the difference between 'needs' and 'wants.'

My first priority has to be me - and figuring out who I am as mother, grandmother, quilter, musician, retreat owner... is at the top of my 'need' list. 

Speaking of the retreat. Last May, on the first anniversary, I sold my house, and closed the Cabin Too to retreaters, and moved back into it. You know how people say, "Don't make any big changes during that first year?" Well, don't schedule anything important on that first anniversary. I speak from experience. The movers, my kids, my son-in-law, the neighbors, and the dogs, were treated to a noisy, embarrassing meltdown in my front yard. Don't do that.
Don't think you're different. You're not. 

Back to the retreat: So now I'm back to just the one retreat and it's almost completely booked for 2018. 2019 is filling up, too! If you've got a group, even a small one, check out the website calendar for open dates, and nab one quick.

Now. It's the New Year, and with that comes at least one resolution, right? I don't usually go for those, cuz really, what's the point? I won't remember it by Jan 3rd, so why add to my frustration? But this year, I'm making one (1). Prelude: a few months ago, I was given a mug rug by my good friend Reeze Hanson (of Morning Glory Designs ), and I've decided to hang it in my studio where I can see it and follow it every single day.

And speaking of happy - here's to a Happy New Year for us all, complete with cookies - from my favorite bakery in Chicago - and they ship!


Quilt Junkie said...

It’s so great to see you blogging again! Baby steps, dear friend. Baby steps. One doesn’t “get over” a lifetime of love and commitment (and joy, and sorrow) in the blink of an eye. Whether you feel it or not you’re doing great. Kudos for recognizing that you need to put yourself first right now! And if you can actually DO that, I will be thrilled and impressed. And hey - your sense of humor is intact! That’s saying a lot! Love you bunches!

Diane said...

Thank you so much, Peggy - you've been a wonderful and encouraging friend for many years. <3 And I may just go back to the calendars...I miss them!

Carla said...

One foot in front of the other, one step, one day at a time. Welcome back to blogging but only do so at your own pace.
I've missed your quick wit and smiling face.

Carla said...

Diane I hope you are able to find yourself and laughter. I learned something reading this post... ?a musician? I didn't realize that. I like the mug rug.
I hope you blog more again soon. Miss your humor.

Diane said...

Thank you, Carla - I'm still trying to get it together. Some days I'm more successful than others. I guess it takes a while to get out of 40+ years of habits! Musician: I majored in Applied Piano at DePaul University - that means i was a performance major. Til I ran out of money and drove to California to take a job with Hyatt. That's where I met Andy 3 months later. When he stole my promotion. I told him I'd get even with I married him! That'll learn 'im! LOL